No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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