do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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