a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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