During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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