So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
