If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
