what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
