I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
