I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
