Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize