Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
