Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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