And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
