She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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