Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
