I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
