I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
