I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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