At least make sure they are 18
Why
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
