dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
