Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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