Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
