Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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