I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
