he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Holy sore nipples Batman
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
