so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
