Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
