If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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