My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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