But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
