ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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