the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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