Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.

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(703): View more from Virginia

How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

Fav 51 25042 2262
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(913): View more from Kansas

I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.

Fav 9 4539 1666
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine

Fav 13 1089 2079
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(+61): View more from Australia

I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.

Fav 10 1666 1082
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(516): View more from New York

i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal

Fav 6 2135 884
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed

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(516): View more from New York

I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.

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