I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
