Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
