Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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