Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
