I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
