You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
