mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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