I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
