Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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