Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
