so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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