C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
