ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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