my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
