dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
