I just cut my nipple shaving
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
