I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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