Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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