At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
