does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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