addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
