I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
