After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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