just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
