Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
