Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize