Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
