i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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