This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
