Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
