When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
