Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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