I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
