At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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