Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
