Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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