Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
