She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
