it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
