now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
