What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
