My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
