is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
