I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
