fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
