No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
