i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
