well most of my day revolves around power hour
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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