i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
