So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
