thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize