am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
