I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
