i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
false alarm. still invincible.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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