her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
