i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
