I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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