I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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