im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
