I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
