is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
